I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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