I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
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I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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