please come you make the beer taste better
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
