he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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