If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
