You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
