all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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