i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
