Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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