I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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