You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
