Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
