you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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