Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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