oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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