just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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