the day after is always just damage control
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
