I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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