I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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