I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
