my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
