so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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