I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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