just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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