Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
