Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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