So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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