So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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