if only i could text you this smell
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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