i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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