Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
