She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
