I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
