It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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