Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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