I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
