If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
