he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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