remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
