i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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