who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
