Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
