i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
