If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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