is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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