I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
