My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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