Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
