I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
