Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
