I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
