we're blogging at a bar
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
