We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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