'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
