id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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