Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
