So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
