I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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