I bet he comes in French.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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