Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
