she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
