I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
