theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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