My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
