I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
