But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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