My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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