Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
